Boys of All Ages…

Real men are defenders, makers, and menders.  True masculinity gives.

You may never have been taught that. You may have been sold a toxic, empty masculinity about conquest. Maybe you have internalized the message through a lifetime of soda ads, beer ads, clothing ads, and video games. You’ve been told that men take. That men are judged by their conquests: their rides, their salary, their accomplishments, the size of their house, the size of other things, their sexual conquests.

That’s a lie. It’s bullshit. It’s the furthest thing from true masculinity and what it means to be a man.

Conquest is all about ego. About me, me, me – mine, mine, mine. Me propping up my fragile sense of self with exterior things – shiny things, expensive things, sexy things.

Real men understand that ego is a poor substitute for pride. Real pride is earned through struggle. However, it isn’t just in any struggle.  At the root, the struggle is in service of something bigger – the community, the greater good.

There’s a reason why men gravitate towards movies such as “Braveheart”, “Gladiator”, “The Last Samurai”, or most recently the superhero films. The heroes in those films accept the struggle, the hardship not for their own benefit but for the benefit of others.  Watch “Gladiator”, “The Last Samurai”, or the “Batman” trilogy and you’ll see the difference between false, toxic masculinity (the takers) and true masculinity (the defenders).

Boys, there is so much our culture feeds you about being a man that is wrong. My hope is that you’ll find a mentor who can help you reclaim your true masculinity.

The world needs you. The world will always need good men.

Next: Real Men are Makers

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By: Sean Smitham

Dr. Sean Smitham, Ph.D. a licensed Clinical Psychologist and family therapist who lives and practices in Spokane, Washington.

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